When Godfathers and Grandfathers become Fathers

When it comes to Hollywood stars, Al Pacino and Robert De Niro would rank among the all-time greats that ever bestrode the silver screen. Not that one can actually stride on a screen, silver or otherwise, but I think you get my drift. That was merely to take care of some literal-minded types who might pose the question. The two stars under discussion are both, literally and metaphorically, the thespian Godfathers of their generation. Products of the late 60s and early 70s, you can add Jack Nicholson and Dustin Hoffman to that Hollywood roll of honour. More to the point, Pacino and De Niro, at the age of 83 and 79 respectively, have just announced that they are shortly to become fathers. Did I say ‘shortly to become fathers?’ A small correction is in order as matters have moved swiftly. De Niro’s partner, Tiffany Chen has just delivered a baby girl, while Pacino restlessly paces the hospital corridors, a cigar stuck in his coat pocket, awaiting the stork’s arrival with the bundle of joy at his partner, Noor Alfallah’s bedside.

Once more with feeling. It goes without saying that their biological partners, of child bearing age could, at a pinch, pass off as the erstwhile heroes’ granddaughters! The mind boggles even more to think that one or two of these veterans’ first born could be old enough to be the new arrivals’ grandparents! On a more sombre note, human frailty being what it is, one wonders if these two magnificent actors will see out, during their lifetimes, the newborns’ teenage years. Of course, one wishes them a long and healthy life. Or do I mean a longer and healthier life? That said, there is much joy surrounding this news at the homesteads of the two megastars.

Given the immense celebrity status that these two actors enjoy all over the world, the approach of their impending fatherhood has caused much comment. The hyphenated Al and Bob (I feel close enough to address them with typical American informality), for several decades now, have been perceived as twin stars. Their movies could rake in the shekels just by announcing their names on the cast list. Such adulation provides much spice to speculate on this simultaneous announcement of the arrival of the patter of little feet. I can picture them in my mind’s eye, the two of them meeting up at their favourite Italian (Sicilian) bar in downtown Manhattan, lighting up the traditional cigars and ordering their favourite brand of Irish whiskey; the all-seeing Mafiosi keeping a protective watch over them.

It was not a particularly busy day at the bar. Even otherwise, security toughs had been hired to keep out any would-be priers. More to the point, the bar was declared closed to the general public till such time as the two celluloid Dons drained their last drop of Bushmills. Naturally, the conversation flowed. As did the golden spirit. If you are familiar with the impressive oeuvre of both these aging thespians, you will be better equipped to enjoy this private banter. We take no responsibility for the accuracy of the conversation, as we only have the bartender Fredo’s word for it. Robert De Niro breaks the ice.

‘Hi Al, thanks for coming down. I can’t believe what I just heard. You becoming a daddy again? At age 83? I’d like to make you an offer you can’t refuse.’

‘Hey Bob. Stealing Brando’s line, eh? I’ll forgive you. After all, you reprised that role as the young Vito Corleone. And brilliantly, I might add.’

‘Yeah, yeah, but we are going off script here Al. Don’t change the subject. A baby at the age of 83? Well, I’ll be damned! Good on you, buddy.’

‘Look who’s talking? Bob, you’ll be 80 yourself in a few months, so what’s the big deal? You are not a brash, young Taxi Driver anymore. Let’s raise a toast. To our health.’

‘Cheers. Good point Al. There are more years behind us now than ahead of us. Gotta face facts. Not much time for those lazy Dog Day Afternoon(s). But that hasn’t stopped us from making babies, has it? Nor movies, come to that. No sirree bob! That’s my seventh just out of the oven. Or is it the eighth? Jeez, can’t keep count. Talking babies, by the way, not drinks.’

‘Hoo haa! Good going Bob. I stopped at three. Babies, not drinks. Or, at least, thought I had. Fourth on its way, any day now.’

Al turns to the bartender. ‘Hey Fredo, wake up man. Can’t you see our glasses need a refill. Don’t get me mad. You know what happens then. Don’t make me turn the Heat on you.’

Fredo, sweating, rushes to their table with the fixings. ‘Sorry Al, Bob. Won’t happen again. Here’s some nuts.’ The offer of ‘some nuts’ by Fredo, has the two stars in splits.

‘You know Al, you were always one for the ladies, weren’t you? I didn’t do too badly myself on that score. Scored frequently, truth to tell. But you? The Scent of a Woman was always on you.’

‘You are in fine fettle this evening, Bob. Your false modesty, however, does you no credit. Your reputation with the dolls used to be the talk of the town. “There goes Raging Bull,” they’d scream, “Better run for cover.”’

‘That was back in the day, Al. Those days are gone, gone, as bluesman John Lee Hooker used to sing.’

‘Speaking of hookers,’ Al interjected.

‘No, no, please Al. Let’s not go there. We have to keep things clean here. I have just become a father again. Like you, I’d much rather just be Cruising. It is being suggested that once your girl has delivered, we host a joint party. That is what our friends are very keen on. I am not sure how keen they are to take a peek at the babies, but they sure as hell wish to Meet the Parents.’

‘Sounds fine and dandy, Bob, but who are we to invite to act as the newborns’ godfathers?’

‘That should not be very hard to find, Al. Tell you what, you being the elder can act as Godfather for my kid, and then I will return the favour and play Godfather Part II for your little one. Favour for favour. What say you?’

‘Terrific Bob, sounds familiar, and should the need arise in the near future, one of us can also take on the role of Godfather Part III.’

‘You think of everything, Al. You always were the smart one. That is what Goodfellas are meant to be. A friend in need and all that.’

‘Too right Bob, but there is one thing about this special conversation of ours, which is being recorded for one of the TV channels. One thing that bothers the heck out me.’

‘And what is that, Al?’

‘Come on, Bob, don’t you get it? We have been drinking the night away and talking our heads off, and we cannot use any of the four letter or five letter abuses that so characterise our interactions. Look at Scarface, could you even detect a single word I said that was not an F-word?’

‘And with a Cuban accent too,’ chipped in Bob. ‘I agree Al. De Niro and Pacino gassing away and no swear words? That can’t be right.’

‘Just changing the subject for a minute, Scorsese finally billed me with you in The Irishman, and you had to put a bullet through my head. That was terrible, Bob.’

‘Yeah Al, I felt bad about it too, sneaking up from behind, but it is what it is. Well, we are running out of time. Drink up. One for the road, Fredo.’

So saying, they went bottoms up with a ‘mud in your eye’ and trudged out of the bar, a tad unsteadily. We can now say with some certainty that the Pacino and De Niro clans will live through much of the 21^st century and, who knows, maybe even the 22^nd century. Meanwhile, let us wallow in such famous throwaway lines from these two brilliant stars like, ‘I always tell the truth. Even when I lie,’ and ‘I grew up in a tough neighbourhood, and we used to say, you can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.’ It does not matter who said which line. With these two stars, all their lines are freely interchangeable.

May they continue to make movies. And babies.

PS: Renowned actor Johnny Depp and Al Pacino are involved in a film Depp will direct about the Italian artist, Amedeo Modigliani. And guess what the film is being called? Modi, of course. That should set the cat among the pigeons here in India!