Politics? Moi?

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. José Maria de Eça de Queiroz.

Those of you who are familiar with my weekly ramblings, will know that I am not all that partial towards political commentary. My readership may be limited, to put it diplomatically, but we few, we happy few, we band of brothers and sisters are quite content to mosey along with my light-hearted observations on this, that and the other. It is not that I have never touched upon political upheavals of earth-shattering importance, but I tend to touch upon it ever so lightly and pass on to matters more meaningful and relevant to my oeuvre. Like sidelights at a lit fest, my serendipitous meetings with celebrities over time, the trials and tribulations of bringing up a pet Cocker Spaniel, boarding school capers, the challenges of traversing between western pop and Indian Carnatic music, random visits to our family doctor, the magic of Federer – and so much more. These are all part of the warp and woof (or weft, if you prefer) of my life and one finds so much to share in an engaging way with my covey of readers.

Then again, when I look at the distinguished galaxy of politicians, economists, commentators, bureaucrats, literary giants, journalists and other worthies who regularly hold forth eloquently on a variety of domestic and international issues, I am loath to butt in and jostle among them. Two is company, three is a crowd as the saying goes. Just consider. Here in India, we have the likes of Shashi Tharoor, Mani Shankar Aiyar, his sibling the economist Swaminathan Aiyar, Karan Thapar, Swapan Dasgupta, Ramchandra Guha, Barkha Dutt and so many more from the crème de la crème. Tharoor, we all know, is equally felicitous writing on serious matters of politics and turning his hand towards matters frothy, whenever the mood takes him. Aiyar, Sr. is immensely readable even when he, or particularly when he directs his razor-sharp nib towards his many bêtes noires in the ruling dispensation or for that matter, in his own party’s rank and file. When he goes one step further to heap praise on the rival Communist Party leadership in Kerala, his own party colleagues blanch and run for the hills. I think the point I am making is that I am better off steering clear of politics, if I can help it. Simply lack the heft.

This week I cannot help it. And therein lies the rub, as Hamlet was wont to say. With Trump in the White House directing his troops (fronted by Israel) in Iran, the world is in turmoil – the last three letters of that word bearing special significance. Apart from Trump’s grand design, our own politicians here in India, that is Bharat, have also been giving us plenty to think about. Trump struts around saying he has stopped eight wars and is about to stop the ninth, namely, the Iran imbroglio. Not that anyone is buying. That it is he, Donald Trump, aided and abetted by Israel, who started this particular war unlike the other eight, is conveniently brushed under the carpet. He claims the Ayatollah Khamenei was out to obliterate him, but he got to the Ayatollah first! Tell that to the U.S. Marines, Mr. President. Operation Epic Fury ahoy!

As to the other eight wars he claims to have stopped, notably the recent India – Pakistan skirmish, he is under the illusion that if he keeps on repeating that fib, it becomes the truth. What is more, he has Pakistan on his side to endorse his stand while thanking him brokenly and cravenly. Still and all, the much coveted Nobel Peace Prize continues to elude him. Fortunately, the Indian Government is maintaining a discreet silence on this issue, much to Trump’s chagrin. Furthermore, the Russia – Ukraine war is ongoing with no sign of an end in sight and that confrontation is barely getting a mention these days. However, we cannot stop Donald from blowing his own trumpet ceaselessly and tunelessly. He should be more worried about stories circulating freely about the late Jeffrey Epstein and his strumpets!

It is also not very clear what Madam Sonia Gandhi and her brood aim to achieve by rapping the Prime Minister over the knuckles for not expressing condolence at the death of the Ayatollah Khamenei and his cohorts at the hands of the U.S.-Israel ‘axis of evil.’ Not that I am fully in sync with the arbitrary way in which the United States goes about seeking whom them may devour for highly arguable reasons, but Mrs. Gandhi surely knows the pitiable and less-than-subservient status of women in Iran and how the Ayatollah has done everything he can to take the country back to the medieval ages. This is playing misplaced politics by the Congress Party apparatchiks. That said, news has just filtered through that the Indian government has belatedly opted to be politic and signed on the Iranian condolence book. Trust Mogambo khush hua.

Here in India, the Congress Party’s rapidly greying but youthful head, Rahul Gandhi, has grandly declared that he is more than willing to take over the reins of the government as Prime Minister, as and when he gets the call. This ambitious, if premature, statement was made at the behest of the Telangana Chief Minister Revanth Reddy’s obsequious announcement that Rahul Gandhi is the man tailor-made for the job. Now then, quite apart from the fact that other members of the INDI Alliance have different views on the subject, the issue is at best academic. Consider the facts.

Tamil Nadu Chief Minister Stalin has stated that Mamata Banerjee is best suited for taking over from the present incumbent, namely, Prime Minister Modi – not in so many words but the inference is clear. Stalin has also modestly expressed his view that he cannot be considered PM material because of his linguistic limitations, but that he is more than happy to steer the alliance in some other capacity. As for Mamata Banerjee, she has more than provided enough signals that she is the ‘best man’ for the job. Where all this whimsical playing of musical chairs to move into 7 Lok Kalyan Marg leaves the likes of Akhilesh Yadav, the Pawar clan, Uddhav Thackeray, Tejaswi Yadav, the momentarily reverberating Arvind Kejriwal and others is a matter for speculation. Each one comprising that strange coalition is attempting to drink from the same brackish well. Is it any wonder that the BJP leadership is lolling back comfortably and smacking its lips, like the cat that’s had its cream, secure in the knowledge that they themselves do not need to do anything out of the ordinary to return to power at the next General Elections. The Opposition parties are doing it all for them.

Another thing about Indian politics. The Opposition has defined its role over the years quite literally. Ergo, it must on principle live up to its name and oppose anything and everything that the Treasury benches propose. This bull-headed attitude cuts across party lines. If the current BJP dispensation sits in the Opposition anytime soon (and that is a very big if), they will do the exact same thing – oppose everything that is thrown at them. The only exception to this mulish rule is when India is at war with one of our hostile neighbours. Then the Opposition parties, en masse, will express solidarity with our ‘brave jawans’ but the ruling Government will be pointedly kept out of the honourable mentions. As a British statesman observed many moons ago, ‘The duty of an Opposition is very simple: to oppose everything and propose nothing.’

However, for unvarnished arrogance, Pete Hegseth, U.S. Secretary of War’s (Defence has been jettisoned for the nonce) daily press briefings will take some beating. To put it bluntly, he takes the marzipan cake. In keeping with his master’s voice, Hegseth presents an exaggeratedly aggressive posture telling the world how America is winning the war hands down, and how the Iranian skies are choc-a-bloc with American aircraft raining fire and brimstone at the infidel, who is running for cover but has nowhere to hide. Britain’s wartime Prime Minister Winston Churchill put it rather neatly, ‘In wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.’

Hegseth also frequently invokes God, reminiscent of Bob Dylan’s ironic lyrics, ‘for you don’t count the dead when God’s on your side.’ Only Pete is not so clever and distinctly off key. If Hegseth has a direct pipeline to the Almighty, the Iranians are bound to make a similar claim. With knobs on. At this rate, the Gods of all denominations will down tools and take a long break. Try as he might, even ‘Pistol’ Pete Hegseth will struggle to match his boss Trump’s address at the Medal of Honor ceremony for three valorous American soldiers. He talked at length admiringly about the ‘beautiful’ gold curtains and drapes, and the ‘beautiful’ $400 million ballroom under construction in the White House to an astonished press, while his soldiers were fighting and dropping like flies in Iran. Try topping that for a tasteless non sequitur. In the words of one of the beloved, zany Goon Show catchphrases, ‘It’s all rather strange, really. Ying tong iddle I po.’

And that, more or less, wraps it up this week for me. As I said, commenting seriously on political developments is not really my bag but I had to make an exception this week. A tad non-seriously, I asked myself as a common man, ‘What will we do without politicians? Then again what will they do without us?’ That’s ample food for thought.