a full stop to all punctuation marks

this piece cannot be read in a hurry stop suggest keep two tablets of aspirin and a glass of warm water by your side to ward off a sudden onset of migraine stop you have been cautioned stop

i have been wanting to do this for a long time stop namely comma to write an entire piece without capital letters and punctuation marks stop this business of pressing shift to register capitals or to generate punctuations and other symbols was getting a trifle tedious stop let me quickly hasten to add that i am not the first person to try out this crazy comma lazy method stop a leading newspaper i know has eschewed capitals on the letter open single quote i close single quote  for many years now comma for reasons never explained stop initially comma i thought it had something to do with a software glitch comma but now i realise it was a not so clever ploy to draw attention to themselves stop clever dicks comma i don apostrophe t think exclamation mark and while i am typing this on my keyboard comma i keep getting reminded by my dell desktop that the word realise should be spelt comma not with an open single quote s close single quote but with an open single quote z close single quote stop my dashed computer is programmed to a default american setting and not british comma which i greatly prefer comma but there does not seem to be much i can do about it stop america trumps again exclamation mark i realize that stop see question mark i have let the yankee open single quote z close single quote remain stop i have succumbed stop incidentally comma I hope you realize open bracket there we go again close bracket how difficult it is to write like this stop

i thought i will let the entire article run on without any paragraph to break the tedium comma then thought better of it stop i am not a sadist and have no wish to torture my readers comma who are probably giddy reading this anyway stop therefore comma altruism being at the foremost of my thoughts comma i decided to make an exception and at least retain paragraphs wherever appropriate and cling on to the precious few friends i might still have after this piece has been completed stop

now i am fully aware that people are going to dismiss this piece as just a silly comma juvenile gimmick only to draw attention stop be that as it may comma sometimes comma not always comma it does challenge the reader into going through a different reading experience stop as I have already said before comma this may not be a completely original exercise and some crazy nerd somewhere may already have tried it out stop chances are he met with utter failure comma slipped into a deep depression comma took to drink and was found lying unconscious in an open drain stop that comma of course comma would be a state of coma comma as opposed to the rash of commas infesting this piece stop i am not saying it actually happened comma but there’s more than an even chance of such a happenstance stop rest assured comma dear reader comma i will not fall into such a morbid comma manic and mindless trap stop nice alliteration that comma open bracket morbid comma manic comma mindless close bracket stop when inspiration like that comes about unknowingly comma as it did just then comma it gives you quite a thrill stop the sub hyphen conscious takes over and apposite words just tumble out without your even trying stop as a writer comma albeit a modest hack comma such serendipitous word associations give one an adrenalin rush stop as to where all this leaves the semi hyphen colon comma we haven apostrophe t a clue stop speaking for myself comma I just tend to shove colons and semi hyphen colons wherever the fancy takes me stop just to show there’s nothing personal involved stop if you are punctilious about your english comma you would be well advised to get your hands on kingsley amis apostrophe book comma italicize the king’s english stop

i then got to thinking comma what if punctuation marks never existed question mark that is to say comma grammarians were aware of commas comma full stops etc comma but for whatever unfathomable reason comma punctuation marks were never discovered or invented comma what then question mark it is an interesting area of speculation stop point being comma what would some of the greatest passages in english literature comma poetry and popular song lyrics sound like when read without any punctuation marks comma but all the punctuations actually spelt out comma as in this speculative comma if painful hyphen to hyphen read article question mark rather than merely speculating on the subject comma I thought the best thing would be to actually rewrite some of these passages on the lines of this article comma and judge for ourselves how they read stop i ask readers for forgiveness in advance comma as this is bound to test your patience stop if you apostrophe ve come this far comma you might as well go all the way stop

can there be a better way to start than shakespeare question mark all the world apostrophe s a stage comma and all the men and women merely players colon they have their exits and their entrances semi hyphen colon and one man in his time plays many parts comma his acts being seven ages stop A quick explanatory note is in order comma to avoid confusion stop the word colon here refers to the punctuation mark comma and not to open single quote exits and entrances close single quote through which the colon deals with human waste matter etcetera comma or do I mean excreta question mark

moving on to oscar wilde comma one of our greatest wits comma elegantly caustic on newspapers and art comma a view this scribe completely subscribes to stop there should be a law that no ordinary newspaper should be allowed to write about art stop the harm they do by their foolish and random writing it would be impossible to overestimate dash not to the artist comma but to the public comma blinding them to all but harming the artist not at all stop

nobel laureate rabindranath tagore colon do not say comma  open single quote it is morning comma close single quote and dismiss it with a name of yesterday stop see it for the first time as a new born child that has no name stop

singer hyphen songwriter comma poet comma nobel laureate bob dylan colon may you always be courageous comma stand upright and be strong stop may you stay forever young stop i conclude by referring to the estimable sir isaac pitman, who developed the shorthand bible for secretaries comma to whom bosses dictated letters open bracket eons ago close bracket exactly as i have attempted in this piece exclamation mark quod stop erat stop demonstrandum period

Published by sureshsubrahmanyan

A long time advertising professional, now retired, and taken up writing as a hobby. Deeply interested in music of various genres, notably Carnatic and 60's and 70's pop/rock. An avid tennis and cricket fan. Voracious reader of British humour and satire. P.G. Wodehouse a perennial favourite.

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