Why is it that no one, and I mean not a single, solitary person, has anything good to say about anyone on our television news channels? Politicians naturally are the prime targets, crosshairs clearly emblazoned on their backs inviting us to take aim and shoot. We elect them every five years to represent us in parliament, and they make it a habit of going out there and making a complete pig’s breakfast out of whatever it is that they are supposed to be doing on our behalf. At least, that is the impression one gets while watching the news on television. You can ask me to stop watching television, at least the news channels, but where would the fun be in doing that? Or rather, in not doing that. Mind you, it is not just the politicians or their representatives who sling mud at each other on a daily basis. They just happen to be soft targets. Our country is virtually impossible to govern without displeasing someone or the other. The ruling party at the centre or in the states, keeps muddling their way through. At times they actually manage to do a bit of good. Then again, try telling that to the opposition parties.
The ruling BJP party, having spread its tentacles across most of the country barring the southern states, considers the opposition to be a bunch of disjointed invertebrates who can just about manage to put one foot in front of the other without tripping up. The ruling dispensation adopts an insufferably patronising tone, if not downright insulting, and this does nothing to make their opposing parties any too chuffed. Many analysts aver that the level of opprobrium hurled at the opposition alliance is well earned! Contrastingly, the opposition party representatives make it their avowed business to take their nomenclature quite literally and make it a point to oppose anything and everything that the ruling dispensation does. Most of them strut around with a massive chip on their collective shoulders, ready to condemn every single move that the government makes. With friends like these, who needs enemies? The trick is to win elections. Once you do that, you are sitting pretty. Never mind the tongue lashing all round. As the popular song goes, ‘The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall.’
Having said that, here is the piquant twist. I am reliably informed that at the parliament canteens, if that is not too downmarket a term, they lay a good table. The catering is top class (presumably vegetarian) at very friendly prices. Why do I mention the canteens? Because it is here, where the nosh is most toothsome, that ruling and opposition party members sit together and feed their faces while being so excessively bonhomous and friendly that you would scarcely believe they have just been spitting fire and brimstone at one another while the nation’s business was being transacted in their respective Sabhas. They slap each other’s backs, indulge in friendly banter and jollification while the ghee masala dosa or aloo paratha goes down a treat, and the filter coffee begs for a second round. A cozy club, in short. However, the moment they return to the Lok or Rajya Sabha post prandial, the gloves are off and they revert true to type, looking daggers at each other, yelling and screaming while just stopping short of hurling slippers across the Treasury and Opposition benches. Once in a while even that abomination has taken place.
I will have to assume that much of the drama in parliament is enacted for the television cameras so that their publics all over the country can sit back and approve the shenanigans being played out on their behalf. Bring on the popcorn or the jhalmuri! Since the average citizen on the street has little to go on other than what he or she views on the idiot box, it occurred to me that I could offer a few tips to some of the key players in parliament as well as most of the garrulous panelists on our home screens who suffer from a bad case of verbal diarrhoea. They keep saying ‘Just 10 seconds more Arnab / Navika / Rajdeep / Rahul’ and go on for another 500 seconds.
Bearing all this in mind, I would like to gratuitously offer my two cents worth to our tallest political leaders, television anchors and panelists such that they might present a more acceptable version of themselves and those whom they are mandated to represent.
First off, let me start with our Prime Minister. As everyone knows only too well, PM Modi has stoutly refused to address press conferences, a decision that has come in for frequent criticism and one that came to the fore recently when a young Norwegian journalist attempted to confront him and was peremptorily given the brush off. However, whenever the PM chooses to address the public directly, either on special occasions, elections (particularly after a spectacular victory) or while addressing the parliament, he has a few pet peeves that he never fails to touch upon. Irrespective of the subject he has chosen to take up, giving the Congress Party a severe scolding is an absolute must for our leader. It is almost an article of faith with PM Modi that his peroration will be peppered with sentences starting with ‘Yeh Congrayj….’ Followed by spouting a litany of misdeeds attributed to the Grand Old Party since independence. He never misses a chance to rub it in, good and proper. I am not here to debate whether this is appropriate or not. The man must and will do what works for him and he does his homework thoroughly. My fervent appeal to him is to look for other targets, just for a change. The Congress Party and their first family have been done to death; done and dusted.
While on the subject of the Congress Party, I move swiftly on to their leader in parliament, Rahul Gandhi. Since television close-ups are a primary source of visual evidence and conclusions drawn therefrom, I would strongly suggest a few changes to how our LOP comports himself in front of the cameras. Firstly, he should stop winking into the middle distance whenever he thinks he has made a clever comment or barb. He did just that while directly addressing the PM on one occasion and never heard the end of it. The wink is more ‘too-clever-by-half’ than just clever. I would suggest he ought to smile more frequently, even if he intends to be ironical. Rahul Gandhi is naturally blessed with dimpled cheeks and the smile brings out this pulchritudinous quality which is bound to receive rave reviews on television. Young ladies will swoon and that is all to the good. He also has this distracting habit of constantly fidgeting with the microphones with both hands during his public speeches like it is second nature to him. This should be avoided especially when there are sound technicians and sundry lackeys around to do that job. While on that note, his voice appears to have acquired a grating, disturbing gruffness that ought to be attended to. He should consult an ENT specialist soonest. Lastly, why this obsession with the white tee shirt? I grant you the half-sleeve sporty outfit shows his biceps and chest to good effect (56 inch?), advertising his fondness for ‘hitting the gym,’ to employ the current parlance. Why not a different coloured tee shirt every day? Black to register protest, green for the environment, saffron for…..no, better avoid that colour. He can always get back to white if he wishes to show, metaphorically, the white flag. Not likely, but you never know. In sum, he could do a lot worse than pick up a few sartorial tips from his bete noir, India’s Prime Minister.
I conclude this reflection with a brief note on our television anchors and how they could look more appealing on screen. Republic TV’s angry not-so-young man Arnab Goswami, never out of his pukka blue suit should, attire-wise, reflect more of the Bharat ethos he propagates so passionately. They are tearing down the Delhi Gymkhana, Arnab. What price three-piece suits? Karan Thapar raises the sartorial bar a notch, distinguished grey hair in place and the occasional bow-tie to go with his clipped accent. CNN-News18’s Anand Narasimhan appears to have struck the right chord – understatedly turned out and always shrewdly says Bharat, never India. I love Barkha Dutt’s professionalism and the meticulous homework she puts in on her podcasts which is reflected in the respect her panelists hold for her. It’s just that she could do a tad better than just hurriedly getting into whatever clothing she could lay her hands on before rushing off to the studio. Rahul Kanwal, NDTV’s new boss, is usually quite natty but he has this tendency to perform his own version of the Bharatanatyam while presenting his insights. Navika Kumar is graceful in her traditional sari though she tends to throw her weight around. As for Rajdeep Sardesai, it won’t matter a jot what he wears, the I&B honchos will keep sticking pins into his voodoo doll lookalike.
That about sums it up. The television is, above all else, a visual medium, meant to entertain. Politicians, anchors and panelists will forever be defined by what they wear and how they look. ‘Watch the birdie!’ What they say will be forgotten as soon as our television sets are turned off. There’s a sobering thought.
Suresh's Corner 