WhatsApp groups are a dime a dozen. Every imaginable group from old school chums, old college pals, old company colleagues, old housewives club, I can go on and on. However, living as I do in an apartment complex with close to a hundred owners and tenants in occupation, forming a WhatsApp group, consisting of owners and residents associations, becomes a necessary form of communication. It can also become a necessary evil. That goes with the territory. A typical WhatsApp exchange can traverse the whole gamut of emotions from the sublime to the ridiculous. The following WhatsApp conversation is a typical example. It is hypothetical and entirely a product of my imagination. Any resemblance to any occupant or situation being discussed is entirely coincidental. After all, the problems faced by a residential group in any part of the country is quite typical and will only vary in detail. I have adopted a stream-of-consciousness approach to the topic, posting comments as and when they come into my head. If the subject matter jumps erratically from a pipe leakage in somebody’s bathroom to dogs or cats poohing in the common areas, I am not responsible. That is how the cookie crumbles.
Group Admin. 1/1/26 10.30 am
Dear Owners and Residents of Rosewood Apts. A happy new year and welcome to our group chat site. We have set this up for your benefit so that we can exchange ideas and suggestions to improve the quality of life at Rosewood. If there is anyone in our community who does not own a mobile phone or is not on WhatsApp, please let me know. I shall arrange to install the app on your mobile. Wishing you all the very best. Incidentally, posts containing bad language and insults will be deleted at the Managing Committee’s discretion. Regards. Office Manager.
Wilma Durant Apt 224 10.34 am
Thank you for your kind note. Sorry but I am starting with a complaint. Every night there are some people in my neighbouring flat 225 who keep fighting like cats and dogs. Please do something about it.
Naren Swamy Apt 230 10.37 am
Wilma Durant, those are cats and dogs fighting in that flat. The working couple come home very late in the night from work. Those animals are probably hungry. Poor pets. Office Manager, sorry to spoil your new year celebrations but please speak to the occupants of 225 and ask them to do something about this.
Wilma Durant Apt 224 10.44 am
Thank you so much Naren. Those pets are also peeing and poohing wherever they like. In fact, there was a deposit on my doormat the other day. I nearly stamped on it. Ugh! They denied it was their Billy or Rover. Claimed it was a roving monkey!
Group Admin. 10.50 am.
Sorry about this, Wilma Mam. I will look into it and instruct the housekeeping staff to clean up in future. I will also speak to the occupants. One thing. There has been no sighting of any monkeys inside the complex. Thank you.
Ravi Desikan Apt 412 11.10 am
I have in my possession 6 hard bound copies of the Bhagwad Gita, 12 paperback copies of the Holy Bible (very small type) and an old leather-bound copy of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, H – P only. I will keep these outside my flat from 10 am to 4 pm. Anyone interested please pick it up. I have been doing this for the last several days, but nobody seems to want them.
Naveen Bhatia Apt. 414 11.30 am
You are wasting your time, Ravi. Obviously, no one is interested. Give them away to some nearby library. I am worried about neighbouring pets desecrating those holy books. They won’t know they are holy books, so PLEASE!
Deepa Narain Apt 722 11.35 am
Do we have a diabetologist living in our complex? My husband’s sugar levels are worrying me. He is still gorging on the laddoos and plum cakes we have been gifted with during this festive season.
Group Admin. 11.40 am
Madam, there are more than a dozen nursing homes, diagnostic labs and doctors in and around this area. Better to visit one of them. We have one heart specialist residing in Rosewood, but he leaves for his hospital at 6 am and returns not before midnight. By the way, have you considered removing those sweet items when your husband is away on work?
Deepa Narain Apt 722 11.42 am
I have, but then what will I have for dessert?
Prema Hariharan Apt 114 12 pm
Is there anyone in Rosewood who can teach Carnatic music to my 10-year-old daughter? I am willing to pay a modest fee. I am fed up with her listening all day long to Taylor Swift. Please let me know.
Wilma Durant Apt 224 12.10 pm
Prema, there’s a lady in the neighbouring block, don’t know which flat, who starts caterwauling at 5.30 in the morning, while her pressure cooker makes steaming noises. And I am a late riser. Maybe that is Carnatic music. It is definitely not Italian opera. You can try her and also request her to start her practice after 7 am.
Prema Hariharan Apt 114 12.20 pm
Thank you, Wilma for that tip. Seems dubious but I will give it a shot.
Shafiq Quereshi Apt 808 12.40 pm
Somebody has deliberately slashed my scooter seat with a knife. If I catch him, I will not be responsible for the consequences. And please don’t tell me it’s one of the stray cats on heat. The knife cuts are too precise. I have my suspicions. Don’t forget I am a retired police officer. You are warned, you vagabond.
Group Admin. 12.45 pm
Shafiq Sir, I am very sorry to know about this. I will definitely investigate. Maybe our CCTV cameras picked up something. Please let me deal with this and report back to you, Sir. By the way Sir, do you have any enemies here?
Shafiq Quereshi Apt 808 12.55 pm
CCTV cameras? Ha, that’s a joke. When did they ever work? But thanks anyway. As for enemies, what a dumb question! Anyway, I am not telling. There’s a guy I once arrested for a petty crime when I was in service who lives here. That’s all I can say for now. I will wait for your report for 24 hours before the miscreant slashes my tyres. Otherwise, I will be out with my licensed pistol.
Rakesh Kapoor Apt 505 1.15 pm
Our lift has been on the blink for over 48 hours. My complaints have fallen on deaf ears. Office Manager, can we see some quick action please. My wife is about to deliver in a week’s time and I can’t see myself carrying her down the stairs. And my mother is 99 years old. PLEASE DO SOMETHING.
Group Admin. 1.30 pm
Very sorry Sir, I already complained to the lift company three times. They have promised to come in one hour. I will do it today, Sir.
Rakesh Kapoor Apt 505 1.40 pm
Promises! Promises!
Shafiq Quereshi Apt 808 1.55 pm
Somebody has just smeared dog shit on my front door. That’s it, I am coming out, all guns blazing.
Group Admin. 2.10 pm
To all the residents of Rosewood Apts. This is the Office Manager. I have just submitted my resignation. I request the Managing Committee to settle my dues as soon as possible, but I am going home this very minute. Please do not try and contact me. I am pushing off to the Himalayas. No signal there. Best of luck to all of you.
Postscript: This is just a small sample of issues that beset residents of apartments blocks everywhere. Each one of you reading this can add your own woes to this list.
